theline/thefragment

minor destructions

2006-05-23T04:20:00.000-07:00

Minor Destructions Add Up

By WENDELL BERRY

Newspaper editorials deplore such human-caused degradations of the oceans as the Gulf of Mexico's "dead zone," and reporters describe practices like "mountain removal" mining in eastern Kentucky. Some day we may finally understand the connections.

The health of the oceans depends on the health of rivers; the health of rivers depends on the health of small streams; the health of small streams depends on the health of their watersheds. The health of the water is exactly the same as the health of the land; the health of small places is exactly the same as the health of large places. As we know, disease is hard to confine. Because natural law is in force everywhere, infections move.

We cannot immunize the continents and the oceans against our contempt for small places and small streams. Small destructions add up, and finally they are understood as parts of large destructions. Excessive nutrient runoff from farms and animal factories in the Mississippi watershed has caused, in the Gulf of Mexico, a hypoxic dead zone of 5,000 to 6,000 square miles. In 40-odd years, strip mining in the Appalachian coal fields, culminating in mountain removal, has gone far toward the destruction of a whole region, with untold damage to the region's people, to watersheds, and to the waters downstream.

There is not a more exemplary history of our contempt for small places than that of Eastern Kentucky coal mining, which has enriched many absentee corporate shareholders and left the region impoverished and defaced. Coal industry representatives are now defending mountain removal -- and its attendant damage to forests, streams, wells, dwellings, roads and community life -- by saying that in "10, 15, 20 years" the land will be restored, and that such mining has "created" the level land needed for further industrial development.

But when you remove a mountain you also remove the topsoil and the forest, and you do immeasurable violence to the ecosystem and the watershed. These things are not to be restored in 10 or 20 years, or in 10 or 20 hundred years. As for the manufacture of level places for industrial development, the supply has already far exceeded any foreseeable demand. And the devastation continues.

The contradictions in the state's effort "to balance the competing interests" were stated as follows by Ewell Balltrip, director of the Kentucky Appalachian Commission: "If you don't have mining, you don't have an economy, and if you don't have an economy you don't have a way for the people to live. But if you don't have environmental quality, you won't create the kind of place where people want to live."

Yes. And if the clearly foreseeable result is a region of flat industrial sites where nobody wants to live, we need a better economy.

Wendell Berry, essayist, novelist and poet, is the author of "The Unsettling of America." He farms in Kentucky and is a member of the Land Institute's Prairie Writers Circle, Salina, Kansas. He can be reached at: berry@counterpunch.org.

MY "SPIN"

we need to apply this to more than land, but to all life. whether it is human or not.
the destruction of "small" lives (the poor, children, single moms, africans, AIDS patients)
eventually, like the small stream reaching the sea, effect the "big" lives of politicians. CEO's and CFO's, the rich and the healthy).
trickle down economics had a great name but a flawed definition.
things do trickle down, like the theory brought forth in the Biblical book of Isaiah, how you treat the lowest is a measure of society.
Environmentally we need to see a cause and effect...
one bottle out the window eventually fills a landfill or this...
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/01/06/eveningnews/main591770.shtml
http://www.mindfully.org/Plastic/Ocean/Pacific-Garbage-Patch27oct02.htm
http://www.plasticdebris.org/
http://www.highseasghost.net/

[IMG]http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h268/killakillafornia/bilde.jpg[/IMG]

I remember being in the bay area of california and seeing signs on street drains thats said "no dumping drains to bay."
Last week I was out on the willamette river, on sauvies island in N. Portland, and it being a beautiful place...but also tons of trash.

how many lives do we also throw away. it is nto as easy to see the effects, because bodies dont collect in the swirls of the ocean or in piles outside our metropolitan areas. but they do collect in the subconcious of our society.
the minor destructions become major ones, with time.

2006-05-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

NEW ART

these are collages I have been doing in an altered book.

"god is a..."

"angels"

check out these links for more altered books.
http://www.alteredbookartists.com
http://www.logolalia.com/alteredbooks/

BLOG = CHANGE

2006-05-04T08:33:00.000-07:00

THIS BLOG WILL NOW BE USED AS A WAY TO SHOW MY ART, TALK ABOUT ART, PROMOTE LOCAL ART ETC.
i will post photots, links, interviews etc.
if you are into art check it out!

who is jandek?

2006-03-19T00:43:00.000-08:00

from wikipedia

Jandek is a musician, presumably from Houston, Texas. Since 1978, he has self-released 43 albums of unusual, often emotionally dissolute folk and blues songs without ever granting a real interview (but see documentary below for a phone interview early in his career) or providing any biographical information.
Jandek plays a very strange and frequently atonal form of folk and blues music, often using an open and unconventional chord structure. Jandek's music is unique, but his lyrics closely mirror the country blues and folk traditions of Eastern Texas.
Barely a handful of people claim to have contacted Jandek, whose steadfastness in anonymity is legendary. Without any conventional attempts at promotion, he releases albums through his own record label Corwood Industries, which is addressed at a Houston post office box. Fans can write to Corwood for a typewritten catalogue and order Jandek’s albums, usually at inexpensive prices. Jandek’s work has been available on vinyl and on compact discs. Many of his albums feature pictures of the same young man (seen above) at various ages; in light of Jandek's live performances it is almost entirely certain that the person featured on the album covers is Jandek himself.
While not verified, it is believed that Jandek's real name is Sterling Richard Smith, and that he lives somewhere in the Houston area or an outlying area. The only Sterling R. Smith to have resided in the Houston area was born May 23, 1952. Witnesses have seen him purchasing Darjeeling tea at a local Whole Foods Market.
Jandek’s first album, Ready for the House (1978), was first accredited to a band called “The Units” but it was obviously a solo work. Jandek presumably plays acoustic guitar and has recorded much of his work apparently unaccompanied (assuming that the person singing is also the person playing guitar). However many other songs feature female vocals and/or different male vocalists. Others feature bass guitar, electric guitar and/or drums, presumably played by collaborators. No proper credits list has ever appeared on an album, but song titles have included "Nancy Sings" and "John Plays Drums".
Some of Jandek’s allure stems from his small but devoted fan base that includes Sonic Youth frontman Thurston Moore, Kurt Cobain, and K Records founder Calvin Johnson.
Jandek has only given one phone interview in his entire career, conducted by fellow outsider artist John Trubee, for an early issue of Spin magazine in 1985. In it, Jandek admitted to having musical training earlier in life, and refuted an OP Magazine reviewer praising "May he never tune his guitar!" by stating that he did indeed tune his guitar, albeit usually to open tunings of his own devising. The Spin article was Jandek's first major press; as the 80's drew to a close, the magazine proclaimed him to be one of the Most Important Artists of the 1980's in a special end-of-decade issue.
Outsider music expert Irwin Chusid brought quite a bit of attention to Jandek by including an account of his own dealings with Corwood Industries in his book Songs In The Key of Z: The Curious World of Outsider Music. Katy Vine tracked down a "Jandek-like person" and gave an account of her experiences in the August 1999 issue of Texas Monthly. While Vine knew the man's name and address, she kept them secret at his request. Vine reported that she was almost certain that the man she spoke to was Jandek, and that he is the man pictured on Jandek's album covers.
In 2004, a documentary on Jandek was released, Jandek on Corwood. It was directed by Chad Freidrichs, and produced by Freidrichs and Paul Fehler. Amongst the extras on the DVD release of the documentary is the entire unedited tape of the John Trubee-conducted Spin interview. No one from Corwood Industries is represented on screen, but the label did suggest several people to be interviewed for the movie, including music critics Phil Milstein and Gary Pig Gold, and Katy Vine. Corwood's recommendation of Vine for the documentary is seen as essentially endorsing the contents and confirming the authenticity of the Texas Monthly interview.
[edit]
Live performances

The mystery of Jandek's identity was partially resolved in October 2004 when Jandek performed live in Scotland, at the Instal 04 music festival in Glasgow. This was Jandek's first known live appearance and performed with Richard Youngs (bass) and Alex Neilson (drums). The man on stage was obviously the same man who appears on the album covers. Corwood stipulated that the performance was not publicized in advance.
In May 2005 however, Jandek made announced appearances at the Music Lovers’ Field Companion festival in Gateshead, England and at the Centre for Contemporary Arts in Glasgow, Scotland again with Youngs and Neilson. The Gateshead performance was another guitar/bass/drums trio similar to the performance as Instal '04 while the Music Lovers' Field Companion performance found Jandek playing piano with Youngs on bowed contrabass and Neilson on quiet drums. The performance was reportedly titled "The Cell" and lasted 90 minutes and has been described as being much more gentle than anything Jandek has done before with many of the piano parts resembling a strange version of Erik Satie.
On August 28, 2005 he performed in Austin, Texas (as scheduled) at the Scottish Rite Theatre and Temple to a sold-out audience. It was notably his first time ever to appear on stage in the US and performed with Nick Hennies (drums), Chris Cogburn (drums), and Juan Garcia (aka Juandek) (bass). He also did two nights of gigs in New York City. He was scheduled to play in New Orleans, Louisiana on September 2, 2005 but the show was cancelled due to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. A Chicago show was announced only two days in advance, then canceled the next day because Hurricane Rita was approaching Houston.
In October 2005, Jandek played twice at Instal 2005 in Glasgow and once in London. In November, he played in Hasselt, Belgium and in Helsinki.
On March 5, 2006 it was announced that Jandek will play at All Tomorrow's Parties Festival in the UK on May 21, 2006.

JANDEK

2006-03-19T00:42:00.000-08:00

For those of you who know:
JANDEK IS COMING TO PORTLAND!
I HAVE TO GO!
AMAZING STORY!

BIZARRE LANDSCAPES

2006-03-18T16:18:00.000-08:00

GO TO www.thislife.org
and go to archives. go to 12/ 15/03
click and listen to episode called Middle of Nowhere.

Nauru.
an atoll. covered in Guano thousands and thousands of years ago.way out in the south pacific.
Now a phosphate mining haven.
and a place with banks that control world economies.
it was the richest country per capita in the world.
now a mined wasteland. nothing.
Now, possibly a staging ground for terrorists. Illegal banking, all things illegal. even afghan refugees.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nauru

weird.

2006-03-15T00:20:00.000-08:00

the philadelphia experiment
http://www.softwareartist.com/philexp.html

bermuda triangle
http://www.bermuda-triangle.org/

and for legit, real news. and amazing story and another lie by BUSH.
http://www.thislife.org/
go to the story Habes Schmabeas.
and listen.
A real glimpes of Guantanamo prisoners.

"How to write a political poem."

2006-03-11T00:25:00.000-08:00

this is on a sage francis disc.
much better heard than read:

"However it starts,
it's gotta be loud!
and then it's gotta get a little bit louder.
but this is how you write a political poem,
and how you deliver it, UNNH! with power!

Mix current events with platitudes of impowerment.
wrap it up in rhyme
or rah rah rah rah rhyme it up in rap until it sounds cool.
Glare!
until it sinks...
in.

Because somewhere in Florida, votes are still being counted.
I said, somewhere in Florida, votes are still being counted!
See, thats your hook.
You gotta have a hook.
More than the look
its the hook
thats the most important part.
hooks gotta fit
hooks gotta hit
hooks gotta hit hard in the heart
because somewhere in Florida, votes are still being counted.
and Dick Cheney is peeing all over himself in spasmodic glee.

See what I did?
Make fun of politicians.
It's easy!
Especially with republicans like:
Rudy Giuliani, Colin Powell,
and Al Gore.

OOOH, See what I did?!
I called Al Gore a republican!
That must mean that my political sensibilities are much more finally tuned than yours.
Talk about idiotic juxtapositions of political personalities and ideologies.
as if communism really were the opposite of democracy!
as if we need a Ralh Nader not a Darth Vader.

'AMAZING GRACE, HOW'
STOP! In the middle of a song everybody knows and loves.
this will give your poem a sense of urgency.
Because there is always a sense of urgency in a political poem!
There is no time to waste!
Corruption doesn't have a curfew.
Greed doesn't care what color you are.
and the New York City Police Department is filled with police officers,
who carry guns on their hips and metal badges over their hearts1
Remember!
Injustice isn't injustice
it's just in us
just as injustice is just in ice
YEAH!

That is the only alienation of this Alien Nation
where you are to fight for free-dumb.
or else you are free but dumb.
here in freeborg hall
where you are born free
or free born!
and born and free.
YEAH!

And somewhere in Florida, votes are still being counted.

and it makes me wanna, it makes wanna, it makes me wanna
(starts beat-boxing.)
cause I have seen devastation
and gentrification
and I can talk with great articulation
about cosmic constellations
of atomic radiation
I saw D.W. Griffiths 'A Birth of a Nation'
but I preferred Disney's '102 Dalmations.'
and like a cross examination
I can give you the explanation of
why films like 'Slam Nation'
are the ultimate manifestation of
of poetical ejaculation
and egotistical manipulation
and other things that rhyme like...ation.
with Haitian.
and this nation.
and maybe its true that they are still counting votes in Florida.
but at the end of a political poem!
that just doesnt matter anymore!
cause all you have to do
to end a political poem
is get real quiet
close your eyes
and end by saying...

THE SAME LINE THREE TIMES!

THE SAME LINE THREE TIMES!

THE SAME LINE THREE TIMES!"

friends

2006-03-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

just hung out with DAN and KARINA and OLIVIA and CLARA and SCOTTY and HORTENSIA.
it was gtear to see them....I love them all and miss them. I am gonna go to Sea/Tac area soon to visit.
Dont know when i'll see scotty.
We were getting coffee and I ran into Dave Sotello, a friend from high school. He lives here now, and hes the lead singer of everclear, art alexakis', personal assistant. so we met art. Karina of course talked to art, got right into the meat of life, and invited him to dinner sometime. haha
karina is awesome. so genuine and caring. i love her.

anyways ,
word.

SAGE FRANCIS

2006-03-07T05:12:00.000-08:00

booyah.

ya'll heard of Sage Francis.
This guy is an amazing poet and MC.
he raps.
but his raps are amazingly poetic, political, creative and relevant.
you wont hear a song about how cool he is, or how many hoes hes slept with
in the tradition of aesop rock, etc.

dude seriously, will oldham wrote a song with him so he has to have some merit.

here are some good lyrics:

song: Slow Down Gandhi
written by: Sage Francis
album: A Healthy Distrust
label: Epitaph Records

there once was a song called "arrest the president."
contemporary music. a hit with the kids. it was a top ten.

i wasn't pop then so i missed the bus a bit.
but politics, it was on everybody's hot-this-summer list.
the cool kids were all rocking votes.
i s#$T you not. i was pistol whipping cops for hiphop.

up on a soap box...yelling into megaphones
killing hard rocks and using carcasses as stepping stones.
i had to promise that i'd stop holding my marches
the day that chris columbus got crucified on golden arches.
but my pedestal was too tall to climb off.
in fact, that's the reason for the high horse.
and from up here i see the marines in hummers on a conquest.
underdogs with wonderbras in a push up contest.
all for the sake of military recruitment.
it felt like kent state the way they targeted the students.

so i galloped off whistling "ohio."
the rest of 'em were stuck doing stand up at a cricket convention.
who would they die for?
is it the same machine that leaves the quality of life poor?
an abominable colony of cyborgs
clogging up the property that i bought with eye sores.

that clever ad campaign ain't worth
the time taken from minimum-waged labor.
i don't care how half naked or fake she looks.
she smells like dirty cash and aged paper books.

who would she die for? (slow down gandhi, you're killin' 'em)

now it's whistle blower vs the pistol holder. case dismissed.
they'll lock you up and throw away the key witness.

justice is the whim of a judge. check his chest density.
it leaves much room for error, and the rest is left to destiny.

the west memphis 3 lost paradise.
now it's death penalty vs suicidal tendencies.
all i wanted was a f$%king pepsi.
institution. making you think you're crazy is a billion dollar industry.

if they could sell sanity in a bottle they'd be charging for compressed air.
they're marketing health care.
they demonized welfare. middle class eliminated.
the rich get richer 'til the poor get educated.

but some of y'all still haven't grown into your face.
and your face doesn't quite match your head.
and i'm waiting for a brain to fill that dead space that's left.
you're all "give me ethnicity or give me dreads!"

trustafundian rebel without a cause for alarm.
because when push turns to shove you jump into your forefather's arms.
he's a banker. you're part of the system.
off go the dreadlocks, in comes the income.

the briefcase, the freebase, the sickness, the symptom.
when the cameras start rolling stay the f%$k out of the picture, pilgrim.

slow down gandhi, you're killin' 'em.

mr. save the world...spare us the details.
save the females from losing interest.
and miss save the universe...you're a damsel in distress
tied down to a track of isolated incidents.

generalize my disease. i need a taste of what it's like
living off the fat of kings. i'll play the scab at your hunger strike.

slow down gandhi you're killin' 'em

one love, one life, one too many victims.
republicrat, democran, one-party system.

media goes in a frenzy. they're stripped of their credentials.
presidential candidates can't debate over this instrumental.
let 'em freestyle. winner takes all.
when the music's dead, i'll have ted nugent's head hanging on my wall.

kill one of ours...we'll kill one of yours with some "friendly fire."
that's a funny term...like "civil war."

6 in the morning police at my crib.
now my nights consist of two toothpicks and eyelids.
a crucifix and vitamins. music that is pirated.
new flavored food made of mutated hybrids.

ughhh! they tell me that it's not...that...bad.
it f$%ks you up good, but it's not...that...bad.
they hold onto these tales 'til it's the dog...that...wags.
god save us all if he lets the cat out the bag.

who's the one to blame for the strain of my vocal cords?
who can pen a hateful threat but can't hold a sword?
it's the same who complain about the global war
but can't overthrow the local joker that they voted for.

"they call the shots, but they're not in the line fire."
i'd call the cops but they break in the line of duty.
let's call a stop to the abuse of authority.
the truth keeps calling me, and i'mma live to tell the story.

so look for truth. quit seeking forgiveness.
you need to cut the noose, but you don't believe in scissors.
you support the troops by wearing yellow ribbons?
just bring home my motherf#$king brothers and sisters.

'cause they don't call the shots, but they're in the line of fire.
i'd like to call the cops but they break in the line of duty.
it's time to call a stop to the abuse of authority.
the truth keeps calling me, and i'm a live to tell the story. "

pretty powerful. a bit vulgar in parts.

also check out this cool info page on THE 5 PERCENT MOVEMENT.
some of the Wu Tang Clan are into this. very interesting.

"The Nation of Gods and Earths, commonly known as the Five Percent Nation or the Five Percenters are considered an African-American social/religious movement. It was founded in Harlem in the late 1960s by Clarence 13X, who came to be known as Allah. The Five Percent Nation angered religious and political leaders, who viewed the group as spawning as a radical offshoot of (what was already seen by Orthodox Islam as heretical) Nation of Islam (NOI). This came with the Nation of Gods and Earths having stated their predicted coming, and their goal of seeking freedom, justice, and equality from the economic, political, social, and religious injustices in the United States, and the world over."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Percent_Nation_of_the_Gods_and_the_Earths

i am becoming very interested in music and art movements and the religiosity of them. So many music styles "dictate" a style, a behavior. art styles call for certain methods, similiarities. so like religions.
you can tell a style of artist, what school he is in by certain clues. media, style, method, etc. same with religious people. what do we use to express and learn about God? how do we worship, live that out? how do we procelitize?(sp?)

i am going to start a book on the early punk movement vs. christianity.
i might bring in some hip hop as well.

there are basically cultures trying to transcend themselves. Kids trying to escape problems, societal or relational.
isn't this why we turn to church, god and dogma?

some sites i like

2006-03-06T17:53:00.000-08:00

benleonard.net : a dear friend. great photos.

iambillpower.com: former blenderhead member. former tooth and nail "founder". great music/art/culture news.

http://www.archive.org/details/movies: a great archive of olf movies. from funny school movies to pure documentation.
"duck and cover" is a great cartoon/live action film about nuclear war.

fecalface.com ; not what it seems. cool sf art zine.

videos.antville.org : cool community. for people who like ARTISITIC music videos. some amazing stuff here.

more to come check em out.

im back

2006-03-04T00:38:00.000-08:00

from a long hiatus
i didnt have www access for a long time.
but i do now. so hopefully this blog will be back.

pray for karen if you know her
she was in a crazy car accident, and should be dead. but SHE IS OK. ALIVE, at home
and not too bad off. she is hurt and sore but could be worse.
thank God for protecting her.

pray for me
all this mess brought up all kids of emotions
proving once again, that i am nowhere near the end .
not "over" her at all.
i feel so seperated.

anyways
if you are a friend of mine
i love you and miss you
jake

add another lesson to the list eh?

2005-09-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

First off.
I am huge sinner.
I sin, I defile holiness and then i turn around and try to act righteous.
All in the same day, hour within minutes.
I profane with my body and try to worship with my mouth.

Kierkegaard says:

"Teach me, O God, not to torture myself, not to make a martyr out of myself through stfling reflectin, but rather teach me to breathe deeply in faith."

amazing.

next up:
amazing wendell berry strikes again. as he always does.

I AM SORRY

2005-09-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

ALL I CAN SAY IS, I AM SORRY. I APOLGIZE FOR THEM, THIS IS NOT FROM THE LORD, IT IS NOT FROM SCRIPTURE. "THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO" THESE PEOPLE ARE THE ZEALOTS AND THE PHARISEES, THE SAME AS CHRIST SAID GOD WOULD NOT KNOW.

KATRINA WAS GOD'S PUNISHMENT ON NEW ORLEANS FOR HOMOSEXUALITY.
FOUND THROUGH:
http://bicycletires.blogspot.com/2005/09/more-christian-hate.html

http://www.365gay.com/newscon05/08/083105nola.htm
"(New Orleans, Louisiana) An evangelical Christian group that regularly demonstrates at LGBT events is blaming gays for hurricane Katrina.

Repent America says that God "destroyed" New Orleans because of Southern Decadence, the gay festival that was to have taken place in the city over the Labor Day weekend.

"Southern Decadence" has a history of filling the French Quarters section of the city with drunken homosexuals engaging in sex acts in the public streets and bars" Repent America director Michael Marcavage said in a statement Wednesday.

"Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city." Marcavage said. "From ‘Girls Gone Wild’ to ‘Southern Decadence’, New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. May it never be the same."

"Let us pray for those ravaged by this disaster. However, we must not forget that the citizens of New Orleans tolerated and welcomed the wickedness in their city for so long," Marcavage said.

"May this act of God cause us all to think about what we tolerate in our city limits, and bring us trembling before the throne of Almighty God," Marcavage concluded.

As 365Gay.com reported on Tuesday, organizers for Southern Decadence have cancelled the event and are promising full ticket refunds. (story)

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said Wednesday that hundreds are known dead and the death toll will reach into the thousands. Some estimates, CNN reported, indicate the final death toll in New Orleans alone may top 10,000.

Water levels eased off slightly on Wednesday, but most of the city remains submerged and it is believed it could be months before the city is inhabitable.

Repent America most recently demonstrated at the Philadelphia Phillies tribute to gay fans earlier this month. (story)

Last year 10 members of Repent America marched to an area near the front of a stage at Philadelphia's Outfest and began to yell Biblical passages.

Police attempted to get the protestors to move to to an area on the edge of the Outfest site. Instead they went deeper into the gay crowd. Using a bullhorn they condemned homosexuality. They then got into an argument with a group of Pink Angels, who screamed back.

It was at that point police intervened.

Four members of Repent America, including Marcavage, were charged with ethnic intimidation, criminal conspiracy and inciting to riot. The charges carry sentences up to 47 years behind bars. But, in court, a judge dismissed the charges saying the protestors were in a public park and police had violated the group's First Amendment right to free speech. (story)

Marcavage has been arrested, detained or cited by police around the country since founding Repent America in 2002, including at a demonstration against same-sex marriages in San Francisco.

also check out these "christians" links:
http://familypolicy.net/main.php/?p=40

the repent america press release is here:
http://www.repentamerica.com/pr_hurricanekatrina.html

sadness.
what can I do to overcome these ideas?

lesssons i am learning...

2005-09-15T20:39:00.000-07:00

to be okay with chaos. to learn from pain to, to be okay with not knowing what God is doing.
I don't know God's plan, I don't know His methd or what he has planned for me. I actually don't agree with what has been happening, who would? I am mad at the path I am on, is it ordained by God?
But...
i AM LEARNING! I am learning to be ok with confusion and not knowing, because God knows, because in days, weeks, months or years I will be okay.

Lessons from Andy Goldsworthy:
from the film Rivers and Tides

" There are always these obsessive thoughts that you cannot get rid of."

"When the works going well, I feel warm but when theres a collapse...then it's cold right through me."

"I wish I'd reached this point about an hour ago, before the sun had risen. What is extraordinary, that I didn't expect, that I could only have dreamt of happening is that the sun coming from there shines completely on both sides of the rock, so all the icicle is illuminated against that cliff and I never had any idea that that would happen. So the potential, the potential here is fantastic."

"The very thing that brings the work to life, is the very thing that will cause it's death."

"The sea came in and the cone just dissapeared and then it was gone, but it was still there a work that I had only just finished making, so my contact with the stone was still very very strong so I was with it down there but I still couldn't see it."

"What I have touched on this time is that I haven't simply made the piece to be destroyed by the sea, the work has been given to the sea as a gift. And the sea has taken the work and made more of it that I could have ever hoped of. And I think that if I can see in that ways of understanding those things that happen to us in life, that changes our life, that causes upheavals and shock...I can't explain that."

"I think of this time, when springs is beginning. It doesn't start on the surface, it begins below, you know, so this idea of finding evidence of that heat within the ground is my way of understanding whats going on at the moment and even though these are stalks from last years plants and they will not grow again this year they are still connected to that root system underneath the ground and the idea of what happened last year being repeated this year and its going to come through this."

all of these quotes teach me and remind me of PROCESS. That there are things unexpected in life, chaos, things that seem mistakes or trouble but through all that comes beauty, fulfillment, art.
The quote about the work being given to the sea and it changing it, to me is like God. He makes us and gives us to life and to existence here and the lessons and the process changes us and makes us more than we could be without those hardships. The tide coming in and swallowing us, covering us and drowning us is a terrible image. This is an image though of completion, that the tide will go out again and we will be different, maybe "destroyed" from what we were before...but better than we were. changed for ever.

The last qute about the process under the soil and the plants being connected speaks so loudly to me as well. That a process is going on and though we may seem dead and not producing, we are connected and we will come back or we are used for the rest of the plant, that our time fo glory will become anothers.

I am learning that life is process, and so much of it is living in theory. We can never know what to do, noone can anticipate or tell us what to do when x happens. It is all hypothetical. We can have our plans and our formulae for success, or 40 days of purpose may be planned out...but is theory. We will be surprised with elements we never though to take into account, we will find Ghosts in the Machine, small imperfections that manifest and that cannot be planned for,

I recently read a great book about the psychology if survival called DEEP SURVIVAL. The author talks about how in reality, and in mathematics there are not such things as accidents. That chaos will happen, that it is a guarantee that tragedy will occcur and so we just need to be as prepared for it as we can. But, and this is a big BUT! the more we prepare for it the more likely it becomes that the accident will happen, we reach a critical mass. So we need to learn from it, embrace it. As the Word tells us, we will be persecuted, embrace it and glorify GOD!!

AMAZING DESTRUCTION.

2005-09-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

I found these amazingly beautiful photos of the worst destruction and chaos ever created.
its to bizarre how something so beautiful is also so evil.
some kinda theology there...

http://www.michaellight.net/100suns/images.html

i am in porland

2005-09-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

here i am !!!

i am living with dan frank forrester. in NE Portland.
i have two jobs, one part time, one full time.
i work for Ace Parking at the airport, and I get benefits!!!!
i also work for Green Mountain Energy selling renewable energy.
sweet! I am gonna get out of debt fast, buy some sweet stuff and get rich!! haha!!

Things are looking up, but also they are still a bit weird.
i miss my friend, scottie jared, corey, long neck, jericho, trevor, jenna, jaime, if i missed you i am sorry.
i miss you all
its bittersweet being here, but good.
i start my internship next week, cool.
i also am going to be being discipled and mentored by a rad pastor from imago dei, kevin rogers,
pray for me still and i will pray for you.

amazing. One of our "Christian Leaders" caught in a lie.

2005-08-26T01:09:00.000-07:00

Pat Robertson, 700 club, Christian Coalition, Moral Majority etc. called for the assassination of Venezuelam leader Hugo Chavez. Watch the transcript here: http://mediamatters.org/items/200508220006
the text here:

ROBERTSON: There was a popular coup that overthrew him [Chavez]. And what did the United States State Department do about it? Virtually nothing. And as a result, within about 48 hours that coup was broken; Chavez was back in power, but we had a chance to move in. He has destroyed the Venezuelan economy, and he's going to make that a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism all over the continent.

You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don't think any oil shipments will stop. But this man is a terrific danger and the United ... This is in our sphere of influence, so we can't let this happen. We have the Monroe Doctrine, we have other doctrines that we have announced. And without question, this is a dangerous enemy to our south, controlling a huge pool of oil, that could hurt us very badly. We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.

Than the media storm. Hannity (mr. conservative) says "some say" he called for assasination. the spin starts here.
Than another guest calls for assassination. Christians calling for us to kill. Calling for us to murder. why?
Robertson hints at it : "without question, this is a dangerous enemy to our south, controlling a huge pool of oil, that could hurt us very badly."

http://mediamatters.org/items/200508250006

"COLMES: Let me ask you this. Pat Robertson considers himself a good Christian. We -- some people consider us a Christian nation. Would assassinating a leader of another country be the Christian thing to do?

SIMMONS: Listen, this is not about Christians. I'm a Christian, as well, but I'm about protecting this country and protecting Americans.

COLMES: Do you want him dead?

SIMMONS: Anyone who -- I absolutely would -- he should have been killed a long time ago.

COLMES: By whom?

SIMMONS: And anyone who blames other -- by anyone, Alan.

COLMES: It's against the law.

SIMMONS: By anyone, Alan. It doesn't matter to me who kills this guy.

COLMES: It's against the law.

SIMMONS: He needs to go.

COLMES: We have an executive order, 12333, Executive Order 12333, put in place in the '70s. We don't do that to other --

SIMMONS: The president can -- the president can order that.

COLMES: Well, should --

SIMMONS: It should have been ordered. This guy -- this guy needs to go."

Now, Robertson denies ever saying he said assassination. He could have meant "just taking him out of power".
LIE!!
http://mediamatters.org/items/200508240005

"ROBERTSON: Wait a minute, I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should, quote, "take him out," and "take him out" can be a number of things including kidnapping. There are a number of ways to take out a dictator from power besides killing him. I was misinterpreted by the AP, but that happens all the time."

Great, our leaders, where to next?

still rocking

2005-08-26T00:58:00.000-07:00

i am still listening to and rocking out to the new sufjan stevens.
i had a my last day at work, awesome!!
Portland= sunday.

http://www.archive.org/details/newport_1
Another Newport commercial with a fantasy sequence in which a middle-aged man is entranced by a younger, more attractive couple.

this website is awesome. you can search and watch all kinds of old movies. I love the old nuclear propaganda films. DUCK AND COVER is great.

SUFJAN STEVENS

2005-08-24T18:45:00.000-07:00

I am listening to the new Sufjan (pronounced: soof yawn) Stevens. Its amazing.
He is going to make an album about every state. So far he has made Michigan and Illinois.

Karen and I were going to use two of his songs at our wedding. So I can't listen to that album for awhile. But his new one is sick. his lyrics are amazing, fun.

they will know we are christians by our love...

2005-08-23T23:15:00.000-07:00

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9047102/

yikes.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/24/politics/24robertson.html?ex=1125547200&en=e805cac4f2898f30&ei=5040&partner=MOREOVERNEWS

at Robertson, the conservative Christian broadcaster, has attracted attention over the years for lambasting feminists, "activist" judges, the United Nations and Disneyland.

Pat Robertson set off a firestorm with remarks televised Monday.

Robertson Suggests U.S. Assassinate Chavez
Now Mr. Robertson has set off an international firestorm by saying on his television show that the United States should kill the Venezuelan president, Hugo Chávez, a leftist whose country has the largest oil reserves outside the Middle East.

"If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Mr. Robertson said Monday on his show, "The 700 Club." "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don't think any oil shipments will stop."

Yesterday Mr. Robertson's statements were denounced by both the State Department and by Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld. In Caracas, he was criticized by the vice president of Venezuela, and in Havana by President Fidel Castro.

Vice President José Vicente Rangel of Venezuela said: "This is a huge hypocrisy to maintain an antiterrorist line and at the same time have such terrorist statements as these made by Christian preacher Pat Robertson coming from the same country."

Mr. Rumsfeld dismissed Mr. Robertson's remark on assassination, saying: "Certainly it's against the law. Our department doesn't do that type of thing." He added, "Private citizens say all kinds of things all the time."

Sean McCormack, a State Department spokesman, called Mr. Robertson's comments "inappropriate."

Mr. Robertson, who is 75, ran for president as a Republican in 1988. He has often used his show and the political advocacy group he founded, the Christian Coalition, to support President Bush.

Bernardo Álvarez, the Venezuelan ambassador in Washington, said: "Mr. Robertson has been one of the president's staunchest allies. His statement demands the strongest condemnation by the White House."

Some of Mr. Robertson's allies distanced themselves from his comments. The Rev. Rob Schenck, president of the National Clergy Council, released a statement saying Mr. Robertson should "immediately apologize, retract his statement and clarify what the Bible and Christianity teaches about the permissibility of taking human life outside of law."

The Rev. Richard Cizik of the National Association of Evangelicals said he and "most evangelical leaders" would disassociate themselves from such "unfortunate and particularly irresponsible" comments.

"It complicates circumstances for foreign missionaries and Christian aid workers overseas who are already perceived, wrongly, especially by leftists and other leaders, as collaborators with U.S. intelligence agencies," Mr. Cizik added.

But other conservative Christian organizations remained silent, with leaders at the Traditional Values Coalition, the Family Research Council and the Christian Coalition saying they were too busy to comment.

A spokeswoman for Mr. Robertson said yesterday that he was not giving interviews and had no further comment.

The Rev. Jesse Jackson called for the Federal Communications Commission to investigate, just as it did when Janet Jackson's breast was exposed in the Super Bowl broadcast in 2004. "This is even more threatening to hemispheric stability than the flash of a breast on television during a ballgame," Mr. Jackson said.

One liberal watchdog group, Media Matters for America, sent a letter urging the ABC Family network to stop carrying Mr. Robertson's show. Another group, Americans United for Separation of Church and State, asked Mr. Bush to repudiate Mr. Robertson personally.

Mr. Robertson's show is broadcast by ABC Family, which agreed to televise it as part of the deal it made in 2001 to buy Fox Family Worldwide, which previously broadcast it.

In a statement yesterday, ABC Family said the company was "contractually obligated to air 'The 700 Club' and has no editorial control over views expressed by the hosts or guests." It added, "ABC Family strongly rejects the views expressed by Pat Robertson."

Mr. Chávez, who won office in 1998, has become the Bush administration's most vocal antagonist in Latin America, accusing Mr. Bush of terrorism for the Iraq war and of trying to impoverish developing countries by pushing market reforms. Mr. Chávez has often accused the United States of trying to assassinate him. The White House welcomed a coup against him in April 2002, but Mr. Chávez quickly regained power.

Yesterday, Mr. Chávez was visiting Mr. Castro in Havana, and shrugged off Mr. Robertson's comments. But Mr. Castro said of the Robertson remark, "I think only God can punish crimes of such magnitude."

Mr. Robertson's comments immediately followed a segment about Venezuela. Speaking live in the studio, Mr. Robertson said Mr. Chávez had "destroyed the Venezuelan economy" and was turning the country into "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."

"We have the ability to take him out," he said, "and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion dollar war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator."

Mr. Robertson's television show has an audience of about one million people, according to his Web site.

Mr. Robertson has a history of getting attention for inflammatory remarks. In May he said the threat to the United States from activist judges was "probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings." In 1998, he warned that hurricanes and other natural disasters would sweep down on Orlando, Fla., because gay men and lesbians were flocking to Disney World on special "gay days." And he has often denounced the United Nations as a first step toward a dangerous "one world government."

Juan Forero contributed reporting from Bogotá, Colombia, for this article.

moving to portland!

2005-08-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

I am moving to Portland, back!!
in a little over a week.
pray that I get a job, I have some interviews monday.
Oppurtunity knocks and I answer.

I am listening to a lot of Gillian Welch, Damien Jurado and Golden Smog.
Alt. Country is really affecting me right now.

poetry

2005-08-17T23:13:00.000-07:00

The Hound of Heaven by Francis Thompson

I fled Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter.
Up vistaed hopes I sped;
And shot, precipitated,
Adown Titanic glooms of chasmèd fears,
From those strong Feet that followed, followed after.
But with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
They beat -- and a voice beat
More instant than the Feet --
"All things betray thee, who betrayest Me."

I pleaded, outlaw-wise,
By many a hearted casement, curtained red,
Trellised with intertwining charities;
(For, though I knew His love Who followèd,
Yet was I sore adread
Lest, having Him, I must have naught beside.)
But, if one little casement parted wide,
The gust of his approach would clash it to :
Fear wist not to evade, as Love wist to pursue.
Across the margent of the world I fled,
And troubled the gold gateways of the stars,
Smiting for shelter on their clangèd bars ;
Fretted to dulcet jars
And silvern chatter the pale ports o' the moon.
I said to Dawn : Be sudden -- to Eve : Be soon ;
With thy young skiey blossoms heap me over
From this tremendous Lover--
Float thy vague veil about me, lest He see !
I tempted all His servitors, but to find
My own betrayal in their constancy,
In faith to Him their fickleness to me,
Their traitorous trueness, and their loyal deceit.
To all swift things for swiftness did I sue ;
Clung to the whistling mane of every wind.
But whether they swept, smoothly fleet,
The long savannahs of the blue ;
Or whether, Thunder-driven,
They clanged his chariot 'thwart a heaven,
Plashy with flying lightnings round the spurn o' their feet :--
Fear wist not to evade as Love wist to pursue.
Still with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
Came on the following Feet,
And a Voice above their beat--
"Naught shelters thee, who wilt not shelter Me."

I sought no more that after which I strayed,
In face of man or maid ;
But still within the little children's eyes
Seems something, something that replies,
They at least are for me, surely for me !
I turned me to them very wistfully ;
But just as their young eyes grew sudden fair
With dawning answers there,
Their angel plucked them from me by the hair.
"Come then, ye other children, Nature's -- share
With me" (said I) "your delicate fellowship ;
Let me greet you lip to lip,
Let me twine with you caresses,
Wantoning
With our Lady-Mother's vagrant tresses,
Banqueting
With her in her wind-walled palace,
Underneath her azured daïs,
Quaffing, as your taintless way is,
From a chalice
Lucent-weeping out of the dayspring."
So it was done :
I in their delicate fellowship was one --
Drew the bolt of Nature's secrecies.
I knew all the swift importings
On the wilful face of skies ;
I knew how the clouds arise
Spumèd of the wild sea-snortings ;
All that's born or dies
Rose and drooped with ; made them shapers
Of mine own moods, or wailful or divine ;
With them joyed and was bereaven.
I was heavy with the even,
When she lit her glimmering tapers
Round the day's dead sanctities.
I laughed in the morning's eyes.
I triumphed and I saddened with all weather,
Heaven and I wept together,
And its sweet tears were salt with mortal mine ;
Against the red throb of its sunset-heart
I laid my own to beat,
And share commingling heat ;
But not by that, by that, was eased my human smart.
In vain my tears were wet on Heaven's grey cheek.
For ah ! we know not what each other says,
These things and I ; in sound I speak--
Their sound is but their stir, they speak by silences.
Nature, poor stepdame, cannot slake my drouth ;
Let her, if she would owe me,
Drop yon blue bosom-veil of sky, and show me
The breasts o' her tenderness ;
Never did any milk of hers once bless
My thirsting mouth.
Nigh and nigh draws the chase,
With unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy ;
And past those noisèd Feet
A Voice comes yet more fleet --
"Lo ! naught contents thee, who content'st not Me."

Naked I wait thy Love's uplifted stroke !
My harness piece by piece Thou hast hewn from me,
And smitten me to my knee ;
I am defenceless utterly.
I slept, methinks, and woke,
And, slowly gazing, find me stripped in sleep.
In the rash lustihead of my young powers,
I shook the pillaring hours
And pulled my life upon me ; grimed with smears,
I stand amid the dust o' the mounded years --
My mangled youth lies dead beneath the heap.
My days have crackled and gone up in smoke,
Have puffed and burst as sun-starts on a stream.
Yea, faileth now even dream
The dreamer, and the lute the lutanist ;
Even the linked fantasies, in whose blossomy twist
I swung the earth a trinket at my wrist,
Are yielding ; cords of all too weak account
For earth with heavy griefs so overplussed.
Ah ! is Thy love indeed
A weed, albeit an amaranthine weed,
Suffering no flowers except its own to mount ?
Ah ! must --
Designer infinite !--
Ah ! must Thou char the wood ere Thou canst limn with it ?
My freshness spent its wavering shower i' the dust ;
And now my heart is as a broken fount,
Wherein tear-drippings stagnate, spilt down ever
From the dank thoughts that shiver
Upon the sighful branches of my mind.
Such is ; what is to be ?
The pulp so bitter, how shall taste the rind ?
I dimly guess what Time in mists confounds ;
Yet ever and anon a trumpet sounds
From the hid battlements of Eternity ;
Those shaken mists a space unsettle, then
Round the half-glimpsed turrets slowly wash again.
But not ere him who summoneth
I first have seen, enwound
With glooming robes purpureal, cypress-crowned ;
His name I know, and what his trumpet saith.
Whether man's heart or life it be which yields
Thee harvest, must Thy harvest-fields
Be dunged with rotten death ?

Now of that long pursuit
Comes on at hand the bruit ;
That Voice is round me like a bursting sea :
"And is thy earth so marred,
Shattered in shard on shard ?
Lo, all things fly thee, for thou fliest me !
"Strange, piteous, futile thing !
Wherefore should any set thee love apart ?
Seeing none but I makes much of naught" (He said),
"And human love needs human meriting :
How hast thou merited --
Of all man's clotted clay the dingiest clot ?
Alack, thou knowest not
How little worthy of any love thou art !
Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee,
Save Me, save only Me ?
All which I took from thee I did but take,
Not for thy harms,
But just that thou might'st seek it in My arms.
All which thy child's mistake
Fancies as lost, I have stored for thee at home :
Rise, clasp My hand, and come !"
Halts by me that footfall :
Is my gloom, after all,
Shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly ?
"Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He Whom thou seekest !
Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest me."

my wish

2005-08-10T21:54:00.000-07:00

i want to create something that other people enjoy.
that other people take the time to look at.
that some friends who i respect so much, who are great artists, like greg, to look at at say
hey thats good.

i want to create things that are unique and represent me...my voice.
that are my style, not poseur, not biter.
i want to create.

stuff like this:

ron mueck creates amazingly life like scuplture. phenomenal

banksy. great stencil graffitti. punk rock, socially concious, great.

sally mann. enough said. i dont need to explain why its good.

no comment necessary.

i don't need to be famous like these, but to be inspired and to create somethine someone wants to look at or maybe even...buy.
so i need to get off my ass and create!

karls idea

2005-08-09T23:25:00.000-07:00

Karl and I talked about having a christian Midrash.
it would be great, to have scripture and then various interpreations of that scripture listed: it could be like midrash from C.S. Lewis, and then Jerry Falwell. Cause some great discussions.
I personally would probably follow the midrash of lewis.
But does this cause me to put faith in Lewis and not scripture, when we start to follow peoples interpretations instead of the word of God.
does this affect the inerrancy of scripture?
hmmm?

Midrash to all you non-jews is:
'Midrash' is based on a
Hebrew word meaning 'interpretation' or 'exegesis'.
The term 'Midrash' can refer to a particular way of reading and
interpreting a biblical verse.
The term 'Midrash' can refer to a book - a compilation of
Midrashic teachings.
The term 'Midrash' can refer to a particular verse and its
interpretation.

thats kinda midrash on midrash. haha

"Once a canon (i.e., approved scriptural
text) is closed, the problem facing the community is the problem of
"searching out" the canon. Midrash is a method of reading the Bible as
an Eternal text, and is the result of applying a set of hermeneutical
principles evolved by the community to guide one in reading the canon,
in order to focus one's reading. The ultimate goal of midrash is to
"search out" the fullness of what was spoken by the Divine Voice."

"In developing midrash, there are two schools of thought on how to
handle the language of Torah. One is that the language is the language
of human discourse, and is subject to the same redundancies and
occasional verbiage that we all encounter in desultory conversation.
The other view holds that since Scripture is the Word of G@d, no word
is superfluous. Every repetition, every apparent mistake, every
peculiar feature of arrangement or order has meaning.

Midrash minimizes the authority of the wording of the text as
communication, normal language. It places the focus on the reader and
the personal struggle of the reader to reach an acceptable moral
application of the text. While it is always governed by the wording of
the text, it allows for the reader to project his or her inner
struggle into the text. This allows for some very powerful and moving
interpretations which, to the ordinary user of language, seem to have
very little connection with the text. The great weakness of this
method is that it always threatens to replace the text with an
outpouring of personal reflection. At its best it requires the
presence of mystical insight not given to all readers."
http://www.faqs.org/faqs/judaism/FAQ/03-Torah-Halacha/section-25.html

Sojo wrote a great article on Christian Midrash at :
http://www.sojo.net/index.cfm?action=magazine.article&issue=soj9707&article=970710a

a google search of "christian midrash" brings up some cool articles.

Just something cool to think about, interpretation.

more great spiritually relevannt lyrics

2005-08-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

gold and silver by stavesacre

"You slipped from my arms, I knew you had to go
Such a heavy heart, who could hope to hold
And I know where you're going, and that's the hardest part
No matter where tonight ends, you won't escape your broken heart

Stay a while

Helpless for the words, and it tightens up the air
It's not what you deserve, it's not for lack of care
Inside of me is screaming out, I'm praying for my prayers
Distracting and unworthy of each and every burning tear

Seems insincere

Do I see God in all of this, maybe all along
It's just that we're so small, and simply not as strong
Strong like wings of silver, and feathers made of gold
To carry heavy hearts, to cover all our helpless souls

To cover all of us

Under wings of Gold and Silver sometimes we have to hide
For shelter from this bitter winter at least tonight

If it were mine to give I'd give you your own time
Turn it back or forward whatever you decide

Stay a while "

secret of the easy yoke by pedro the lion

"i could hear the church bells ringing
they pealed aloud your praise
the members faces were smiling
with their hands out stretched to shake
it's true they did not move me
my heart was hard and tired
their perfect fire annoyed me
i could not find you anywhere

could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you
and some days i don't love you at all

the devoted were wearing bracelets
to remind them why they came
some concrete motivation
when the abstract could not do the same
but if all that's left is duty
i'm falling on my sword
at least then i would not serve
an unseen distant lord

if this is ony a test
i hope that i'm passing
cause i'm losing steam
and i still want to trust you

peace be still"

these two songs have spoken to me so many times, revealed to me a true real and hard relationship with God. but its the reality that makes it worth it. dont white wash it, give it to me straight.
when you know someone else has gone through it, it makes it a tiny bit easier.

great lyrics, honest

2005-08-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

I was a good kid, I wouldn't do you no harm, I was a nice kid, with a nice paper-round, Forgive me any pain, I may have brung to you, With God's help I know, I'll always be near to you

But Jesus hurt me, when He deserted me, but, I have forgiven Jesus, for all the desire he placed in me, when there's nothing I can do with this desire

I was good kid, through hail and snow, I'd go, just to moon you, I carried my heart in my hand - do you understand? - do you understand?

but Jesus hurt me, when He deserted me, but, I have forgiven Jesus, for all of the love he placed in me, when there's no one I can turn to with this love

Monday - humiliation, Tuesday - suffocation, Wednesday - condescension, Thursday - is pathetic, by Friday - Life has killed me, by Friday - Life has killed me

why did you give me, so much desire? when there is nowhere I can go to offload this desire? and why did you give me so much love in a loveless world? when there is no one I can turn to to unlock all this love

and why did you stick me in self-deprecating bones and skin, Jesus - do you hate me? why did you stick me in self-deprecating bones and skin... do you hate me? do you hate me? do you hate me? do you hate me?

morrissey

confused

2005-08-07T01:25:00.000-07:00

is she not allowed to talk to be because its for the best
or because its easier? out of sight out of mind?
easy to forget if you can't talk to me, see me, erase me.
its like i'm living eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

i scored a huge yard sale bonus today!!!
i found 3 Morrissey albumbs: Viva Hate, Bona Drag and Kill Uncle for $1 each!
who sells morrissey at yard sales?
i also got Ben Folds Five for a buck. score!!!!

Watched some freaks and geeks and had a great dinner and discussion with friends.
good day, but depressing at the end.
is she trying to forget me?

AMAZING!

2005-08-06T08:58:00.000-07:00

If you want to see some of the most beautiful images ever, I mean EVER!! in a film watch this. Its hypnotic, will lull you. Not to be confused with boring or drawn out, it takes a slow path through the organic works of Andy Goldsworthy. It will blow your mind, inspire you, we watch it and then talk about going out and doing art!
There are some great spirituakl metaphors here as well, about time and process and things being molded and changed over time by a "maker".

watch it!

mario party

2005-08-02T23:52:00.000-07:00

i just got my butt whooped on mario party 5! I did have the most coins, but apparently that doesn't count for crap!!!!!
I played with Ben, Bruce, Jericho, Scotty, Cory and Jared laid on the floor watching and smoking. I think this is the 4th time Jared has been mentioned on my blog, now 5.

been a good night.

when things go well
thing will go bad
when the turn for the better
it will all fall
it will fall
like a tear or a leaf
the last leaf on a tall tree
the leaf at the top top branch
the fall becomes slow and graceful
long slow arcs, a few quick spins
but over all it is hypnotizing.
but a fall nonetheless.
and when it hits the ground it loses all beauty and is litter
to be swept or raked
and burned.
thats the way it is
make a right turn
and still get lost.

a little help...

2005-08-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

the last few months have been ghastly.
more depression than ever before...more doubts...less love...more lonely....
man...it's been tough. But I am learning perseverance, trust, giving it all away, trust God with Karen, trust God with myself
and these are all the hard lessons, that take forever to learn and it seems we always have to relearn it.
as don miller says, we are sheep, because we are stupid.

I have been listening to a lot of sermons from my church in Portland, Imago Dei.
you should check out the sermons page :http://www.imagodeicommunity.com/imago/SermonContent.jsp?id=20
rick the pastor is amazing and lays it down in an amazing way.
donald miller of Blue Like Jazz

fame speaks from time to time his sermon "One" was agreed on as one of the best sermons we have ever heard, by my Dad and I. check it out here: http://www.imagodeicommunity.com/media/Don_-_One_11-7-04_(master).mp3

its amazing, "relevant", pertinent and thought provoking, check it out please and tell me what you think.

in the city

2005-07-31T10:26:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend in Santa cruz with good, good friends. Saw two good friends get married, went to the Garden of Eden. Now, kicking it with Greg in San Francisco.
Its been great, good to get out of town, amazing to be with amazing friends. Sad to be in a place that has soo many connections to Karen, but I am starting to look back on those memories and remember them well, as good memories that make me love her, not as painful.
so...peace out.

weekend of fun and sadness

2005-07-28T19:37:00.000-07:00

i am going to santa cruz this weekend. to the wedding of 2 good friends.
heather + matt.
heather is pretty instrumental in the me and karen hooking up thing. her little comment of "you and her would make a good couple" got me thinking.
i seriously thank her for the 2 great years I had with Karen..
it will be hard to go for 2 reasons:
1) last time I was in santa cruz was with Karen, and it was awesome.
2) I havent been to a wedding since Karen and I got engaged, so it will be hard to be at one...since mine didn't happen.

But i am gonna be with good friends, Greg, Dan, Cankles, etc. etc. etc.
talk to you soon

when it all never makes sense

2005-07-27T22:59:00.000-07:00

perseverance:
When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence but by oft falling. ~Lucretius
Saints are sinners who kept on going. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
"He that shall persevere unto the end, he shall be saved."-Matthew 10:22

This is what I need.
To make it through the worst times. To make it through the heart-ache, the "dark night of the soul", and this long wide desert.
pray for my perseverance.

Fact of the day:
Every cow in the European Union is subsidised by $2.50 a day. That's more than what 75 % of Africans have to live on.

Priorities?
Wendell Berry eat your heart out.

news!!!

2005-07-25T22:45:00.000-07:00

http://www.oxfam.org/eng/programs_emer_wafrica.htm

Lets mobilize. Please be in prayer and support if you can.

Also, check out this amazing art page. Greg, this is what I was talking about.
http://www.diacenter.org/km/index.html

They did a statistical analysis about what people want in their art. This is what they came up with, its prerry fascinating.
Here are all the results for the USA, what we like to see in our art: http://www.diacenter.org/km/usa/survey.html
and the painting that statistically most americans will like:

lesson #456,789

2005-07-24T22:37:00.000-07:00

my parents taught me todays lesson:
they will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

80% of the world's executions in 2002 took place in just 3 countries: China, Iran and the U.S.
China= 1,060
Iran=113
U.S.= 71

I watched Freaks and Geeks tonight, well episodes 1 and 2. great show. Youth Pastors should watch it and use it.
http://www.freaksandgeeks.com/home.shtm

hot sun, early morning

2005-07-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

i slept in the backyard last night with Jason and Jared.
it felt great to have the cool night air...but the worst is the HOT early morning sun, you wake up in a sweat...uncomfortable and tired.
gross.

today is the day for...

2005-07-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

today I hung out with Jared. awesome.
we had a pool party at Chelsea's and I beat Scott at the diving contests! radical

i thought about Karen alot. not so rad.
i realized that when you spend so much time with someone, and hope to spend the rest of time with someone that everything reminds you of them. and i mean everything. From shopping carts to resteraunts to church to a stray cat to my backyard to photos of her to clothes I wear. all of it.
it may be a weird connection like, swimming in chelsea's pool, which I never did with Karen, but it reminds me of the time we swam in the river in northern california, that time was amazing.
it may be a normal connection like listening to an Ida cd, their song "shrug" was one of our songs.
I don't want all those memories to have been for nothing, I want to create more. I want to look back on those in years to come and smile, with her. I want her and I to talk about the times we had, when we are old and sitting on rocking chairs on the porch.
I pray everyday that God will have his will be done, he knows my wishes, my heart and what I want to happen. But the hardest part is giving it to him. I want to run to her, to pull her out of the fire, to protect her, to support her, to love her, to prove I love her, to do romantic things, to fix all the mistakes I made, to prove prove prove myself to her, to do all I dreamed of doing, to do what I said I would do, to be a part of her family.... all of it. But I need to let God control it, to give it to Him, which is soooo hard, next to impossible.
please pray for me. not that I will get back with Karen (which would be amazing!!!) but that I will trust God, that I will look to Him, that I will seek Him out, run to Him. But she's there...in the back of my mind.

check out the new issue of Modern Painters
http://www.modernpainters.co.uk/

amazing art, amazing!
The article about Paul McCarthy is soo rad... he is a phenomenal artist who inspires me and gets me going. Thats one of his pieces on the cover.
here is some of his work.

and peace out...

late late late

2005-07-23T03:55:00.000-07:00

we went out to the falls tonight at about 2. bright moon
ol' long neck leonard went, cory, karl, jared and myself.
good times, the kind that make me want to stay. but not that bad.

blogging in mostly pictures

2005-07-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

i will try to blog today in mostly pictures

so yeah
decoded as:
i miss portland
i miss my parents
i miss karen.

the curse of portland

2005-07-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

dang it.
it's on my mind all the time.
i think about things too much.
dan told me to just decide, that it wasn;t a huge deal...
i am making it one though.
why?
why do i dwell and analyze and rethink and toss and turn?

pray for me?

long day

2005-07-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

Brazil has more Avon ladies than members of it's armed services.

700,000 revenadoras, as they are called.

insane.

We had our first mans Bible study tonight, me, jericho, jared, cory, ben and scott.
it was cool. i mean awesome!

"When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free"
wendell berry.

answer to prayer

2005-07-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

First off, the fact of the day:

China has 44 million missing women.
Mostly due to female infanticide or abandonement.

This morning on the way to work I prayed that at the end of the day I would look back and have had an unmistakeable encounter with God.
No clouds parted, no donkeys spoke, no blazing lights and loud voices, but I did encounter God.
I have been going through a hard time, lots of change and craziness. I have been talking to a lot of friends, getting advice, wise counsel. Today I talked to Lizy, Henry, Hannah, Tom Mellon, and Dan "Poutine". They all had amazing wise insight, Godly advice and were the encounter I was looking for. The proved to me that i have friends who love me and care for me. They showed me that i have friends who pray for me and truly deelpy want me to be happy. Friends consoled, encouraged, challenged and prayed. Henry told it to me straight, not always the easy truth, but the truth in love. Hannah did the same, what needs to happen vs. what I want to happen. Dan made me realize that I am blowing it all out of porportion, Just Do It!
Thank you Lord for the answer to prayer and the affirmation of friends all over. Hannah in Seattle are, Dan and Lizy and Tom in Oregon and Henry in New Jersey. People all over love me and are praying for me. Amazing.

I also memorized a section of Psalms 42 today:
Why are you cast down, o my soul?
Whay are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I have yet to praise Him, who is the health of my countenance
and my God.

Good encouragement in times of depression.

I miss you.

facts.

2005-07-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

I am gonna start a new part of the column where I present some interesting facts, stats, tidbits etc.
just to get us thinking, talking etc.

Todays is:

The average Japanese woman can expect to live to 84. The average Botswanan will reach just 39.

In africa the years are dropping because of mainly the AIDS pandemic. By 2010 the age for Botswanans will drop to 27.
So dont even make it that far, in Sierra Leone 127 out of every 1,000 dont live to one year.

Access to clean water, health care, the wide spread problm of poverty, pulluted air, and access to food all affect the ability to survive and to make it to the coveted old age.

from prb.org, Science magazine, US Census Bureau, worldbank.org, and the global fund.

So, hows your day?
I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, better than I thought, but still nowhere near as good as the original. Gene Wilder IS Willy Wonka. Depp was flat, not a lot of character, just weird. It's entertaining...but not amazing.

Sunday = the Lord's day. I will try to observe by:
going to church
having a lunch
working on the movie
youth group
open range with the leonard family
bed time
work early.

So, Portlands still on my mind. Weigh in on the ever going discussion.

one phone call

2005-07-16T03:45:00.000-07:00

all i want is one phone call...
with one voice on the other end.
one call
with a voice
that says it needs me
it wants me
that it's realized the errors of its way
and it wants to have a second chance
a second go
one call
that will make all other calls
easier to make and to answer.

My friend got a call today, from a girl, and from that call you could tell she wanted to patch things up. I just got depressed, cause I would LOVE to get that call, I dream of getting that call. I wish.
Things are getting slowly easier...but should they be?

where the name comes from

2005-07-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

keith on the right, andy on the left

Keith Haring is one of my all time favorite artists. He inspired the name of my Blog, The line/the fragment. He was interested in lines, in guestures, in fragments of lines. He saw how one line can be a drawing, and one line can become a letter and then a sentence and become a statement, and how in the same way lines and fragments of lines can become figures and then drawings and then compositions and then statements.
I guess for me thats the key, the end result...the statement.
and that reminds me of a great song by david wilcox called "start at the ending".

The secret of a happy marriage,
maybe you should write this down
If you want to keep a love together,
the best way is to end it now
Because when you both know its over,
suddenly the truth comes out
You can talk about your secret passion,
you can talk about your restless doubt

When there's no pretending,
then the truth is safe to say,
Start with the ending,
get it out of the way
Now there's no defending,
because no one has to win
Start with the ending,
its the best way to begin

After you have both decided,
you were missing something that you need
The ways that you were too short-sighted,
get easier for you to see
And after all the expectations
shatter on the kitchen floor
You just see another human suffering,
and you wonder what the war was for

When there's no pretending,
then the truth is safe to say,
Start with the ending,
get it out of the way
Now there's no defending,
because no one has to win
Start with the ending,
its the best way to begin

Happy anniversary darling,
we go back a long, long time
I think about our lives together,
I'm so grateful you are here in mine
And I know you'll keep on changing,
you're moving in this dance with me
I love the way we embrace the future
and keep the past a memory

So there's no defending
that the old ways could remain
We start with the ending
and things will never be the same
Now there's no defending,
because no one has to win
Start with the ending,
its the best way to begin
Now there's no pretending,
then the truth is safe to say,
Start with the ending,
get it out of the way
Now there's no defending,
because no one has to win
Start with the ending,
its the best way to begin
Now there's no defending,
because no one has to win
Start with the ending,
its the best way to begin

but back to keith haring:

a quote from him that i like.
"Painting has a two-fold advantage over the language of words. First of all, painting conjures up objects with greater strength and gets much closer to them. Secondly, painting opens up a bigger door outside to the inner dance of the painter's world of ideas."
I like to take it further and say art, in general, not just painting.

Keith Haring was also interested in taking his art to the people, not just the uptown rich, but the poor. He created murals in handball courts such as his "crack is wack" piece, where there was no entrance fee, no way of owning it, it was the citie's.

He also created art in the subways, keeping with his graffitti roots and influences, tagging with a piece of chalk on covered advertisements. These subway drawings now constitute a huge and popular body of work, that was left in the subways for all.

"There is something very "real" about the subway system and the people who travel in it; perhaps there is not another place in the world where people of such diverse appearance, background, and life-style have intermingled for a common purpose. In this underground environment, one can often feel a sense of oppression and struggle in the vast assortment of faces. It is in this context that an expression of hope and beauty carries the greatest rewards. "

my small view

2005-07-14T22:56:00.000-07:00

I find it funny that right now, in the world, so mugh huge stuff is going on. Bombings, wars, bike races, politics, countries falling and buidling, hurricanes etc etc etc. The world is working and living and over most of it people are being murdered, killed, contracting HIV, and the thing I spend all my time thinking and praying about it my broken heart. I am pretty selfish.
Of all the catastrophes in the world, my unrequited love for Karen is the most important. Albeit, it is important, but for me to spend soooo much time worrying and crying and thinking and all that crap...when real stuff is going down that deserves tears and prayers.
It's just bizarre that genocide in the Sudan makes me a little mad and so I write a few emails to the president or senators. But I get dumped, and I cry, I wail, I call people, I pray, I can't sleep. My small view.

I heard Iggy Pop interviewed on Fresh Air today...he's amazing and still punk rock. I used to say that The Clash and The Velvet Underground invented punk rock, and I still contend that they are huge influences, more than the overrated Sex Pistols but...more and more I come back to Iggy Pop, and the interview today confirmed that.
Not only is he the godfather of punk, but he claims he started many other trends such as wearing ripped and holy jeans, to stage diving. ROCK AND ROLL!!! I mean come on, their song, "I wanna be your dog" came out in 1969.
In the interview Terry Gross (sp?) asked Iggy what they thought about being so ahead of the times, and he responded by saying "I would have to say the rest of the world was behind it's effing time!"
you can listen to the interview at : http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4754027

so there he is!

I am looking for a list of films that have spiritual symbolism. You have any ideas?
They don't have to be "christian" but that make you think about faith, God, etc.

uno mas

2005-07-13T00:10:00.000-07:00

also, check this out.
Rudolf Hess, one of the Nazi Masterminds was arrested after the war and spent the rest of his days and the sole prisoner of Spandau Prison. one whole prison, with one old man. I want to either make a movie or documentary about it.
amazing story.
check it out at :
http://history.farmersboys.com/Postings/Germany/Berlin/spandau_prison.htm

late night

2005-07-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

so its midnight and i am about to go to bed.
my friends are in the backyard trying to smoke a hookah.
my parents are in mexico.
the girl i love is in pain and in oregon.
my head is in portland.

i watched Short Cuts by Robert Altman. Great Film, I recommend it.

thats a scene from it.
it has an amazing cast.
check it out at www.imdb.com

also...
say a prayer for the following:
my parents
karen
me
dan and karina and tui and clara (for sleep)
africa
iraq

goodnight

hard times come again no more

2005-07-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

and this could not be farther from the truth. hard times have come again.
if you have a moment, say a little prayer for me.
its been rough.
its been tough and it seems to be getting tougher.

If you know me, or think you know me, I have a question for you:
Should I move back to Portland?

I love the city, great people, art oppurtunities, great church, etc. etc.
maybe subconciously, or concisouly, i want to be closer to karen. that may be true, but....I do love Portland and want to go back sometime. So why not now?
Please weigh in your opinions. I want to know!

i can't do this, i can't make it.

2005-07-10T23:13:00.000-07:00

friends say to keep it going,
advice says to take it one day at a time.
but i don't know if i can make it.
a singer says hes a train wreck
but i would consider that mild.
i'm a battlefield, i'm a junk yard,
i am all the train wrecks.
When theres one thing you want, one thing you need
and that one thing
is the one thing you can't have
it tears you up.
and when that one thing
is not a thing, but a her...
a her you love
a her you need
it tears you up more
than can be told.
more than can be know.
more than a train wreck.
when you knew your life, when you had the future planned
with one person,
when you loved and were loved
but now...
i guess i am a train wreck
with all the twisted metal
leaking gassed, scarred earth and shaken passengers.
i'm the loud noise and the screeching brakes
i am the innocent bystander, now a victim,
i am the engineer tossed through a window
who walks away but is scarred forever.
i guess that singer has it right.
i am a wreck for you
and you know who you are.

well theres london...

2005-07-07T22:28:00.000-07:00

I dont know what to say about London. It's all been said. Dan made a good point today that seemed to click with me.
What were the Romans thinking when they were attacked by the Huns, or all the small "insurgent" attacks? They saw them as a terrorist threat, what course of action led them to their fall?
and another biblical analogy, you reap what you sow. And we as western society, culture, developed nations are reaping what we have sown. I am sure that for writing that, tomorrow I will get a knock on my door, and it will be Rumsfeld or a henchman.
However, I do not mean "Reaping what we have sown" in the sense Jerry Falwell would mean it, i.e. caused by Homosexuals.
I mean it in the sense of our global arrogance, empiricism, selfish and haughty nature.

I got a new job today, I install solar panels on peoples roofs. Hot!!!!!!
The guy I drove with around all day today loves listening to Michael Savage, please pray for me!
I heard on this show a few things that caused me to reel in disgust. First off, Michael Savage and one of the listeneres were calling for a unilateral attack, preferably nuclear against major Middle Eastern Cities in retaliation for the London attacks. As if it was every Arab who bombed them, as if every Muslim desires death and destruction. How stupid can Savage be? To return death with death is whats destroying us all today.
He also criticized Bill Clinton for the attack on the Branch Davidian Compound in Waco Texas. Savage said that Clinton attacked "christians" in their "church." That all the compound was, was a church and Clinton wanted to kill christians. First off, Bill Clinton is a christian, albeit an imperfect one, but so am I. Second, David Koresh was a psychopath who taught that he was a messiah. . They were not christians, they were a cult!

"Vernon Howell (David Koresh) ultimately became the leader of the Branch Davidians and ushered in a new era for the Branch Davidians with his New Light doctrine and elevated prophetic status. Koresh furthered the work of his forefathers by continuing with the Adventist tradition, adopting a messianic role essential to human salvation, and ordaining the end time. With his focus on the Book of Revelation, Koresh desired to create a new lineage of God's children from his seed, making him the perfect mate for all female adherents. Thus, Koresh became the pivotal character in the restoration of humanity to its divine purpose. Koresh established what he called the House of David and in 1984 began taking "spiritual wives." Differing from past eras, he progressively linked his group's activities to an imminent future and not to past tradition. A key distinction within Koresh's era was his gradual revelation of the secrets of the seven seals in Bible study sessions, which convinced the group that they were living in the end time. Koresh stressed that the apocalypse would occur in America and not in Israel, and because of this the Davidians began to adopt survivalist tactics such as stockpiling food and weapons. In 1992, he renamed the Mount Carmel community "Ranch Apocalypse."
from http://religiousmovements.lib.virginia.edu/nrms/bran.html

I don't know why I wrote about it, I just thought I had to say the truth to someone.
Anyways, pray for peace.

Late Night

2005-07-07T00:47:00.000-07:00

So,my parents live in mexico now. Vaya Con Dios!!!

I am supposed to work in 6 hours, and I can't sleep. Too Hot!!
Too much on my mind.
I am listening to Rosie Thomas, from her album Only With Laughter Can You Win. she's great!

Aamazing voice!

I am helping Dan Whitmarsh start a college group through my church. So if you have any interest in helping out or attending, email me at killakillafornia@yahoo.com

No news, or commentary tonight. Just blathering as I try to go to bed!
I am gonna be dead tomorrow at work, 10 hours in the blazing sun!

Good Night!

Quotes

2005-07-07T00:44:00.000-07:00

Here are some quotes I like, that inspire:
"The God of my unbelief is magnificent..." Yankev Blashteyn
"Mortal, eat this scroll." Ezekiel3:3
"Teach me, O God, not to torture myself, not to make a martyr out of myself through stifling reflection, but rather teach me to breathe deeply in faith." Kierkegaard
"I'm like a mirror, I'm nothing until you look at me"
"God does not walk over there, through puddles of blood and torture. God walks on clean paths of hope and love." Oscar Romero
"Save me from what I want."
"It is a first class human tragedy that people of the earth who claim to believe in the message of Jesus, whom they describe as the Prince of Peace, show little of that belief in actual practice." Gandi

I have had this idea in my head for a long time. It came from this picture I have had inmy head for a long time. The images of the monks in vietnam who burned themselves alive in protest.

I want to build 20 or so monks out of wood and plaster. I want to douse them with gas or lighter fluid and set them up all over town and set fire to them. I am sure I would be arrested, but for one it would be amazing art, two: it would make a statement that needs to be made. Not only about the war, but we need to start being dedicated. Dedicated to justice, to truth, to peace. Those of us who say we "fight" for peace and truth, do we really? we complain, we voted. But are we dedicated enough to set ourselves on fire? Are we that convinced of our correctness, do we know without a shadow of a doubt we are speaking truth? Like Ghandi can we forgo sex, and food for our cause. He took a vow of celibacy, he went on numerous hunger strikes for justice. he came close to death countless times in defense of his ideals and people. Are "christians" dedicated like this? Christ also followed this lead, he was nailed to a cross. In defense of his cause, his ideals. These actions are the ultimate proof. The ultimate statement. The proof for our actions that says what I seek is right and truthful, so right and truthful that I want to burn myself alive to draw the worlds attention. I want to never eat again until they change the evils of the world. That say I will nail myself to a cross to prove to you who and what I am. Would we do this to prove to the world who we are, or what we stand for? I doubt it. We don't stand for anything, besides, our video games and our movies and our clothes keep us from caring.

The Mountain Folk

2005-07-07T00:39:00.001-07:00

I have been reading a lot of Wendell berry online. There is a great website with a lot of his essays, poems etc.
http://brtom.org/wb/berry.html
He writes a lot about the need and the positive impact of the small town life. Of great importance are farmers, small communities. The bread basket. Here's a big quote from his article "The Prejudice Against Country People" published in The Progressive. http://progressive.org/?q=node/1596

"I believe it is a fact, proven by their rapidly diminishing numbers and economic power, that the world's small farmers and other "provincial" people have about the same status now as enemy civilians in wartime. They are the objects of small, "humane" consideration, but if they are damaged or destroyed "collaterally," then "we very much regret it," but they were in the way--and, by implication, not quite as human as "we" are. The industrial and corporate powers, abetted and excused by their many dependents in government and the universities, are perpetrating a sort of economic genocide--less bloody than military genocide, to be sure, but just as arrogant, foolish, and ruthless, and perhaps more effective in ridding the world of a kind of human life. The small farmers and the people of small towns are understood as occupying the bottom step of the economic stairway and deservedly falling from it because they are rural, which is to say not metropolitan or cosmopolitan, which is to say socially, intellectually, and culturally inferior to "us." Am I trying to argue that all small farmers are superior or that they are all good farmers or that they live the "idyllic life"? I certainly am not. And that is my point. The sentimental stereotype is just as damaging as the negative one. The image of the farmer as the salt of the earth, independent son of the soil, and child of nature is a sort of lantern slide projected over the image of the farmer as simpleton, hick, or redneck. Both images serve to obliterate any concept of farming as an ancient, useful, honorable vocation, requiring admirable intelligence and skill, a complex local culture, great patience and endurance, and moral responsibilities of the gravest kind."
Wendell berry

I believe this to be true. I have lived in cities, SF, Portland. I have visited NYC, Chicago, LA, San Diego, Washington DC. And when I come home to rural turlock, I feel like these people (for the most part) are more solid, more connected. I have met Senators and Assemblymen from all over California. Last week I served on the staff of City on the Hill Youth Leadership Conference, getting Christian youth involved with politics. We heard from top conservative think tank members, conservative strategists, aides and campaign directors. They all sounded the same, they all had the slick answer, the quick response. One man stood out, Assemblyman Doug LaMalfa.
http://republican.assembly.ca.gov/members/index.asp?Dist=2&Lang=1

He is a downhome boy, his district is the 2nd, Northern California. He is a farmer, talked slow, no big words. He stood out because he knows what's important. He can take stand on issues that affect the every-man because he is! Though we disagree on a lot, he is a republican, I found myself identifying and agreeing with not his ideals but his method, his manner. He is still in touch with what matters, the Mr. Smith quality, from Mr.Smith Goes to Washington. an innocence. Irs like Berry says, Not all farmers, country folk are like this. But there is a way about them. I spent the day today in Columbia, near Sonora. In the backyard of some family friends. Playing bluegrass and folk, talking, telling and hearing stories. These are all typified rednecks. Guys with long beards, playing banjo. People who live in a small house, in the woods. But they are all sweet, caring and valuable. We often write off these people as backwoods and inbred! The city people look down on the people across the valley, up on the hill. The country bumpkins. But a lot of these people have intelligent vital opinions, they aren't all republicans, like we are led to believe. Many of them care for the earth, for people, for the poor. The reason is because they live in the beauty of the mountains. They see the beginning of the rivers, which become polluted. They have been or are poor. Those closest to the earth are the first to see its sickness and problems. A long ramble. I guess.

Tell It Like It Is Mr. Berry

2005-07-07T00:39:00.000-07:00

"We Americans are not usually thought to be a submissive people, but of course we are. Why else would we allow our country to be destroyed? Why else would we be rewarding its destroyers? Why else would we all -- by proxies we have given to greedy corporations and corrupt politicians -- be participating in its destruction? Most of us are still too sane to piss in our own cistern, but we allow others to do so and we reward them for it. We reward them so well, in fact, that those who piss in our cistern are wealthier than the rest of us."
Wendell Berry. from his essay "Compromise, Hell!"

my question is, why don't people see this? whay can't we taste in out water? How do we change it in a realistic way? My heart cries out in this injustice, I feel a calling to change it, but how!?!?!!?

High Plains Drifter

2005-07-07T00:33:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching High Plains Drifter starring Clint Eastwood. I wish I could make a film showcasing how much of a bad ass i was!! Great film. Clint made westerns gritty, the way they should be!

I get frustrated sometimes, well a lot of the time. Conservative republicans seem to be soo weird sometimes. In a recent blog by Craig Deluz www.craigdeluz.com, Deluz made a jab at the homosexual community by pointing out that there have been recent allegations of racism in the SF gay community. this news from from keithboykin.com. The frustrating thing is that conservatives, typified by Deluz will run to the defense of a black man beign discriminated against, but not to help a gay man. It's ok to disctiminate homsexuals, we don't hear outcries against this. But if you make a comment about a black man, well "now that has to stop!!!" from my comment to craig deluz.
"which part do support the black part or the gay part? youre right this is a shame, it is horrible. discrimination of any kind. but why dont i see any articles on here about people calling homosexuals "FAGS! QUEERS! DYKES!" You don't have to support homosexuality to support their civil rights. Just like we support the civil right for gossipers, liars, and adulterers. I see this as hypocrisy. you can't claim discrimination for part of the person. its as if saying the important part is the black part, i care for part of you, not the gay part, i will stand up for your black part but not all of you. i know you wont respond. but think about it." let me know what you think. it irks me.

also, just so you can all say i expose you to great art check out: http://www.pbs.org/art21/artists/hawkinson/ amazing. i am heading down to L.A. to see his show at LACMA. want to tag along?